The Beginning of Motherhood

When I had my son, I decided to quit my job and stay home with him. He was born with some disabilities and I knew I'd have to stay home in order for him to get the best help possible.

As I mentioned before, my son was born premature and had some brain damage. To be a little bit more specific, the right side of his brain is damaged. While I was pregnant with him, apparently he was not receiving enough oxygen, he also suffered a stroke and my placenta burst too soon. No one knows what happened. I was and have always been healthy. I don't smoked, never have. I don't drink, never have.

“They don't prepare you for the worse..”

My pregnancy was normal up until Thanksgiving Day 2017. I woke up and I didn't feel my baby move anymore. I was 33 weeks pregnant, and I had always had trouble sleeping because Mateo's kicking kept me up. However, That night I didn't feel him move. I thought it was normal because I was very active. I was cooking for Thanksgiving. I wanted to cook certain things the night before because I knew that on the day we'd have other things to cook and we wouldn't have the time to do it. So active moving usually makes baby sleep. So it didn't concern me. The next morning, I knew something was wrong. I tried everything to get him to move, drank water, ate food, etc. Nothing. I called the doctor again and told them nothing was happening. I left my house at 9 am.

Me and Josh got there and we went up to the Snuggery, they had this belt on my belly to really take a look in the belly. Long story short, Mateo was not doing well. They told me I had to give birth, right away. I had to have a c-section. It was the scariest moment of my life. I have always lived in a very safe home, I've never feared for my life or someone else's life. Right then and there, I feared for my life and my babies life. I gave birth to Mateo at 11:09 am. He was transferred over to a bigger hospital, before he left I got to see him, he was in an incubator. So small, he weighed 3lbs and 9 oz. I touched his shoulder and honestly, everything else is blurry because I was so doped up pain killers.

Something had happened while I was in the hospital (one of the doctors said Mateo wasn't doing well. He was stable.) and my son was in the bigger hospital and I wanted to leave and see him. Me and Josh left the second day and I had a c-section. You're supposed to stay in the hospital for at least 3 days. But I left to go see my son.

Mateo was in NICU for about 2 months give or take. During those 2 months I never went back home. (The hospital was an hour away from where we lived and I needed updates and I was always in the hospital so there was a house where parents with sick babies in the hospital could stay so that's where I was.) Lots of things happened while in the hospital we learned a lot about the things Mateo had and what to do when certain things happen. They prepared us for a lot.

I quit my job because I don't think anyone could really keep an eye on my son like I would. I was there doctors everyday listening to what they say and his development. That and because I don't live close to my family. I love being at home with my son, recently, he started having seizures.(this has to do with the brain injury, these were one of the things that the doctor was preparing us for) I feel like if I had been working, I would not have noticed him having them, they were extremely subtle. He was having infantile spasms. It kind of looks like some weird blinking and small tremors of the body and it only happens for a couple of seconds. But because I know my son and I'm always home with him I noticed him being very lethargic (sleepy) and having these weird tremors. We took him straight to the hospital and he was transferred again to the same hospital when he was born. He was in PICU. He's doing great now, they gave him medication for that and they also gave him medication to prevent future seizures.

I know this is long and informative but just a disclaimer I am not a doctor, I'm just writing about my experience with my son. I hope you all enjoyed reading about this, till the next one!

I will be posting a video on how I coped and things I did to keep my head up. Also tips on what you can do to stay positive during these times.